how can you love me?

How is it that
You say you love me but,
when you get mad you punch me in the eye

With one violant strike,
my vision goes black
and the next thing I remember is me laying on the floor.

How is it that
You say you love me but,
you call me ugly, you say I'm too skinny

With every abusive remark
A knife goes through my heart
My heart stands limp in the presence of you.
Hands shaking like San Franciscan ground
My knees buckle like a wet ceiling

Oh but you love me
You tell me you love every night
And after every temper tantrum,
you hug me, you kiss me and you say I love you I'm sorry
...I love you I'm sorry

But,
how can you hurt the person that you love?
You don't love me.
Because love doesn't hand out black eyes
You wouldn't kick me in my stomach and call me stupid.

You would come home on time
and another woman's scent would not be on your clothes
Foreign hickies on your neck
"Oh baby that was from you"
Couldn't be because, the night before you cracked me in the jaw, remember?

Those all around me tell me to run but,
they don't understand because,
He's the father of my child
and, I refuse to let my son grow up without a father.

All along he stands in the corner watching daddy beat up mommy
and now he begins to think this is how you control your woman.
Generational curses over taking my family like
heat in the Sahara
like water on land
like blue in the sky
like, the black around my eyes.

but, I still love you
and I want to believe that you love me but,
We all know the truth.
You love the idea of me
You love the idea of controlling a woman
because the woman in your life, your mother, was a drug attic
and she didn't care about you or you brothers.
She brought different dudes homes every night because, she didn't wanna be tied down.
She thought of you and your brothers as knots around her ankles.
Tying her down.
But see, that's not your fault.
You're afraid of being left. You're afraid that this woman, I, will leave you like your mother did the day after you brother's birthday.

And because I love you, I'll stay.
I'll stay because your the father of my child
and you told me that nobody wants me and I should feel lucky being with you.
So I'll stay because I don't believe there's anybody better.

♥ love & fireflies